Becoming Wholly Present

As I look at my floor scattered with toys and laundry, a lump of emotion forms in my throat. Someday those colorful dolls and clothes will move out of my home – just like my sweet daughter once she’s grown. And I will be so very grateful that I played, laughed and created memories with her on that floor instead of endlessly cleaning it.

My role as a mother thus far has been far from a picture of perfection. I’ve yelled, pulled my hair in frustration and at moments felt like a failure. But I’m so glad I’m not letting her childhood slip by without notice.

I’ve watched as my daughter, Gracie’s, cheeks turn a perfect pink while she peacefully sleeps. I’ve enjoyed the sound of her hysteric laughter at the sound of a toot and wild screams as she chases our dogs. Her sticky hands have grabbed my cheeks for dramatic kisses. Layers of her snot and drool have dried on my shirt during sick days.

I know I’m not alone when I say becoming a mother has made me realize how fast life passes by. A scheduled routine moves one day into the next without notice. Taking moments to pause and appreciate our existence is imperative to a whole life. Not only is enjoying our children important, but also our other relationships and surroundings.

The realization that I was beginning to neglect listening to my husband was disturbing. I think it slowly began happening after we became parents, which sadly seems quite common. When Joe shared with me about his day or anything on his mind my thoughts would quickly wander – “What am I making for supper? Where did I stop in that last writing? Oh, Gracie’s so cute! Did I switch the the laundry?” – Honestly pathetic behavior. Being ignored is not a good feeling. The Word of God gives us some instruction on listening to others:

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”
James 1:19

“If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” Proverbs 18:13

“Making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding.”
Proverbs 2:2

Moments when our thoughts are paused to listen are sometimes the best opportunities to glean wisdom and understanding – opportunities that would have otherwise been missed. Make it a goal to be attentive in your conversations – quick to listen and slow to speak – and see what it does to your relationships. Delight in the people God has put in your life.

Listening with amusement to my husband’s incoherent mumblings while he sleeps are cherished moments of mine. His hugs and kisses before he leaves home are one of my fondly memorized feelings. With joy, I soak in the sight of Gracie and my two little dogs excitedly realizing they hear their dad’s diesel pickup approaching from a distance.

God also created an entire world for us to see His glory throughout! Do you take the time to appreciate His work? When’s the last time you closed your eyes and listened to the sound of wind in the trees or a crowd of people bustling about? Or truly opened your eyes and noticed the beauty of a sunrise and sunset? We need to slow down and become people who help elderly couples across the street instead of becoming annoyed and rushing them.

It’s time we end the social norm of frantically organizing and managing our lives. Let’s instead decide to live them! We can become completely present in our daily activities and enjoy who we see when we truly look at ourselves. Here’s a practical list of ways to do this:

• Spend real time with loved ones – set aside time for electronics and distractions to be turned off.

• Communicate together – talk about serious, silly, profound or seemingly pointless thoughts. This is what creates bonds. Not simply existing together in the same room.

• Regularly discuss your spiritual walks – tell each other truths that God has been making known to you. Admit concepts that you’re confused by or discover ideas together on how to apply a verse.

• Forgive freely – nothing distracts away more from joyfully living in the present than negatively dwelling on others faults. This goes back to the importance of communicating your thoughts. If something with a loved one is concerning you, discuss it together rather than hold it against them.

I’m pledging to trade my list of constantly growing tasks in for a daily dose of God’s leading. Rather than simply existing and looking towards the future, I’m going to be present in each moment – moments that I’ll never get back. Once a child is no longer two, a home is sold or a parent has passed on, we don’t get the choice to live that year or decade over and choose to be wholly present in it.

“One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.”

– Dale Carnegie